April 2019

The Nation Reviewed

An AFL 2019 census

By Hugh Robertson
A droll-call of the season’s best and brightest

Names worthy of a four-week suspension from the tribunal

Nikki Gore, Jack Payne, Shane Savage, Gabriella Pound, James Harmes, Darcy Fort, Josh Battle

 

Names suitable for 2019’s next trendy wine varietal (“Could we have a bottle of the ...”)

Rosenzweig, Himmelberg, Bastinac, Scharenberg, Schlensog, Coniglio, Petracca, Gourlay, Clavarino, Varnhagen, Brazzale, Abbatangelo

 

Minor characters from the Robert Mueller investigation

Boyd Woodcock, Ruby Blair, Reni Hicks, Patrick Lipinski, Parris Laurie, Shae Sloane, Sydney Stack, Jordon Butts, Jamie Cripps, Max King

 

Winner of the inaugural Award for Merit

Zach Merrett

 

Snow White’s Seven Dwarves, 2019

Breann Moody, Lloyd Meek, Mark Keane, Adam Saad, Harrison Petty, Jackson Hately and Sam Docherty; and the best and fairest of them all, Brandon White

 

Contestants for the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette’

Jayde Van Dyk, Riley Bonner, Jackson Thurlow, Gryan Miers, Kaiden Brand, Braydon Preuss, Kai Pudney, Kobe Mutch, Noah Gown, Trent Mynott, Krystal Scott, Mia-Rae Clifford

 

Names suitable for a fashion label on the Brownlow red carpet (“I’m wearing …”)

De Koning, Fiorini, Gallucci, Silvagni, Switkowski, Nankivell, Bonnici, Brancatisano

 

The AFL’s own Űbermensch

Aaron Nietschke

 

Members of 1980s glam-rock bands, reunited and playing a winery near you

Billy Frampton, Darcy Fogarty, Rory Sloane, Maverick Weller, Dougal Howard, Logan Austin, Jackson Nelson, Stevie-Lee Thompson, Sam Virgo, Georgia Gee

 

Prompts for packing a picnic

Jarrod Berry, Jack Crisp, Zak Butters, Brayden Ham, Devon Smith, Bayley Fritsch (only in South Australia), Flynn Appleby, Bailey Rice, Darcy Tucker, Lachie Plowman

 

The annual Jarrad census

Jarrad (1, down 1), Jarryd (2, down 1), Jarrod (8, up 1), Jared (1, no change), Jarryn (1, no change), Darragh (1, no change)

 

Names over-represented according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics

Jack (30; playing for St Kilda: 7), Sam (30), Tom (37), Josh (18), Rory (5), Callum (7), Courtney (5), Tayla (3)

 

Commentator’s nightmare, aka Seeing double

Sam Reid (Sydney Swans, GWS), Josh Kennedy (Sydney Swans, West Coast Eagles), Bailey Williams (Western Bulldogs, West Coast Eagles), Callum Brown (GWS, Collingwood), Tom Lynch (Adelaide, Richmond), Jack and Jackson Trengove (Port Adelaide and Western Bulldogs)

 

Former Brexit cheerleaders who are now nowhere to be found

Derek Eggmolesse-Smith, Ned McHenry, Charlie Constable, Tori Groves-Little, Sarah D’Arcy, Darcy Parish, George Horlin-Smith, Darcy Byrne-Jones, Riley Collier-Dawkins, McKenzie Dowrick, Julia Crockett-Grills, Tanya Hetherington, Laitham Vandermeer

 

The Orazio Fantasia Perpetual Trophy for Best New Name

Irving Mosquito (runner-up: Mikala Cann)

Hugh Robertson

Hugh Robertson manages a record label, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.

Cover April 2019

April 2019

From the front page

Image of Defence Minister Linda Reynolds speaking at the Australian Strategic Policy Institute

Grey zone

Between war and peace, Australia’s defence strategy is evolving

Image of Patrick Allington's ‘Rise & Shine’

Shelf pity: ‘Rise & Shine’

Patrick Allington’s fable of a world in which perpetual war is staged to fuel compassion is too straightforward for its ambitions

Image of then treasurer Scott Morrison handing Barnaby Joyce a lump of coal during Question Time, February 9, 2017.

Coal cursed

The fossil-fuel lobby could not have created the climate wars so easily without the preceding culture wars

Image of Donald Trump mask

American carnage

Donald Trump and the collapse of the Union


In This Issue

Illustration

The sentencing of George Pell

It took a judge to explain power to a cardinal

‘Who Killed My Father’ by Édouard Louis (trans. Lorin Stein)

Political rage fuels the French author’s account of a fraught father–son relationship

Illustration

The Murray–Darling’s dry mouth

Scientists are witnessing the ecological collapse of South Australia’s Coorong

Haruki to Highsmith: Lee Chang-dong’s ‘Burning’

Mr Ripley echoes through a masterful tale of class tensions in Seoul


More in The Nation Reviewed

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

Weathering the cost

After 300 inquiries into natural disasters and emergency management, insurers are taking the lead

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

Tour de forced cancellations

How Port Douglas, the gateway to the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree, has been quieted by lockdown

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

Wage deals on wheels

Delivering your dinner for half the minimum wage

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

Call for submissions

Hands-off operations for sex-work dungeons in the time of COVID


Read on

Image of Patrick Allington's ‘Rise & Shine’

Shelf pity: ‘Rise & Shine’

Patrick Allington’s fable of a world in which perpetual war is staged to fuel compassion is too straightforward for its ambitions

Image of then treasurer Scott Morrison handing Barnaby Joyce a lump of coal during Question Time, February 9, 2017.

Coal cursed

The fossil-fuel lobby could not have created the climate wars so easily without the preceding culture wars

Image of library shelves

Learning difficulties

The Coalition’s political agenda is a gross infringement on academic freedom

Image from Monos

Belonging to no one: ‘Monos’

Like its teenage guerilla protagonists, Alejandro Landes’s dreamy, violent feature film is marked by a purposeful ambiguity


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