April 2019

The Nation Reviewed

An AFL 2019 census

By Hugh Robertson
A droll-call of the season’s best and brightest

Names worthy of a four-week suspension from the tribunal

Nikki Gore, Jack Payne, Shane Savage, Gabriella Pound, James Harmes, Darcy Fort, Josh Battle

 

Names suitable for 2019’s next trendy wine varietal (“Could we have a bottle of the ...”)

Rosenzweig, Himmelberg, Bastinac, Scharenberg, Schlensog, Coniglio, Petracca, Gourlay, Clavarino, Varnhagen, Brazzale, Abbatangelo

 

Minor characters from the Robert Mueller investigation

Boyd Woodcock, Ruby Blair, Reni Hicks, Patrick Lipinski, Parris Laurie, Shae Sloane, Sydney Stack, Jordon Butts, Jamie Cripps, Max King

 

Winner of the inaugural Award for Merit

Zach Merrett

 

Snow White’s Seven Dwarves, 2019

Breann Moody, Lloyd Meek, Mark Keane, Adam Saad, Harrison Petty, Jackson Hately and Sam Docherty; and the best and fairest of them all, Brandon White

 

Contestants for the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette’

Jayde Van Dyk, Riley Bonner, Jackson Thurlow, Gryan Miers, Kaiden Brand, Braydon Preuss, Kai Pudney, Kobe Mutch, Noah Gown, Trent Mynott, Krystal Scott, Mia-Rae Clifford

 

Names suitable for a fashion label on the Brownlow red carpet (“I’m wearing …”)

De Koning, Fiorini, Gallucci, Silvagni, Switkowski, Nankivell, Bonnici, Brancatisano

 

The AFL’s own Űbermensch

Aaron Nietschke

 

Members of 1980s glam-rock bands, reunited and playing a winery near you

Billy Frampton, Darcy Fogarty, Rory Sloane, Maverick Weller, Dougal Howard, Logan Austin, Jackson Nelson, Stevie-Lee Thompson, Sam Virgo, Georgia Gee

 

Prompts for packing a picnic

Jarrod Berry, Jack Crisp, Zak Butters, Brayden Ham, Devon Smith, Bayley Fritsch (only in South Australia), Flynn Appleby, Bailey Rice, Darcy Tucker, Lachie Plowman

 

The annual Jarrad census

Jarrad (1, down 1), Jarryd (2, down 1), Jarrod (8, up 1), Jared (1, no change), Jarryn (1, no change), Darragh (1, no change)

 

Names over-represented according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics

Jack (30; playing for St Kilda: 7), Sam (30), Tom (37), Josh (18), Rory (5), Callum (7), Courtney (5), Tayla (3)

 

Commentator’s nightmare, aka Seeing double

Sam Reid (Sydney Swans, GWS), Josh Kennedy (Sydney Swans, West Coast Eagles), Bailey Williams (Western Bulldogs, West Coast Eagles), Callum Brown (GWS, Collingwood), Tom Lynch (Adelaide, Richmond), Jack and Jackson Trengove (Port Adelaide and Western Bulldogs)

 

Former Brexit cheerleaders who are now nowhere to be found

Derek Eggmolesse-Smith, Ned McHenry, Charlie Constable, Tori Groves-Little, Sarah D’Arcy, Darcy Parish, George Horlin-Smith, Darcy Byrne-Jones, Riley Collier-Dawkins, McKenzie Dowrick, Julia Crockett-Grills, Tanya Hetherington, Laitham Vandermeer

 

The Orazio Fantasia Perpetual Trophy for Best New Name

Irving Mosquito (runner-up: Mikala Cann)

Hugh Robertson

Hugh Robertson manages a record label, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.

Cover April 2019

April 2019

From the front page

Crisis, what crisis?

The PM’s don’t-you-worry-about-that schtick is unconvincing

Image of Steve Kilbey

The Church frontman Steve Kilbey

The prolific singer-songwriter reflects on four decades and counting in music

Illustration

Bait and switch

Lumping dingoes in with “wild dogs” means the native animals are being deliberately culled

Cover of ‘The Testaments’

‘The Testaments’ by Margaret Atwood

The Booker Prize–winning sequel to ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is an exhilarating thriller from the “wiliest writer alive”


In This Issue

Illustration

The sentencing of George Pell

It took a judge to explain power to a cardinal

‘Who Killed My Father’ by Édouard Louis (trans. Lorin Stein)

Political rage fuels the French author’s account of a fraught father–son relationship

Illustration

The Murray–Darling’s dry mouth

Scientists are witnessing the ecological collapse of South Australia’s Coorong

Haruki to Highsmith: Lee Chang-dong’s ‘Burning’

Mr Ripley echoes through a masterful tale of class tensions in Seoul


More in The Nation Reviewed

Illustration

The strip-search state

Successful compensation cases haven’t curbed the prevalence of unlawful strip-searches by NSW Police

Illustration

Bait and switch

Lumping dingoes in with “wild dogs” means the native animals are being deliberately culled

Yellow submarine

A former Russian athlete’s plan for Australia’s first commercial sub

Illustration

A traditional landscape

The UAE hosts a rare public exhibition for the colossal native title painting ‘Ngurrara Canvas II’


Read on

Image of Steve Kilbey

The Church frontman Steve Kilbey

The prolific singer-songwriter reflects on four decades and counting in music

Image from ‘The Report’

Interrogating the interrogators: ‘The Report’

This tale of the investigation into CIA torture during the War on Terror places too much faith in government procedure

Image of police station in Alice Springs with red handprints on wall

What really happened at Yuendumu?

The promised inquiries must answer the biggest questions raised by the police shooting of an Aboriginal man

You could drive a person crazy: Noah Baumbach’s ‘Marriage Story’

Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson are at their career best in this bittersweet tale of divorce


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