April 2019

The Nation Reviewed

An AFL 2019 census

By Hugh Robertson
Illustration
A droll-call of the season’s best and brightest

Names worthy of a four-week suspension from the tribunal

Nikki Gore, Jack Payne, Shane Savage, Gabriella Pound, James Harmes, Darcy Fort, Josh Battle

 

Names suitable for 2019’s next trendy wine varietal (“Could we have a bottle of the ...”)

Rosenzweig, Himmelberg, Bastinac, Scharenberg, Schlensog, Coniglio, Petracca, Gourlay, Clavarino, Varnhagen, Brazzale, Abbatangelo

 

Minor characters from the Robert Mueller investigation

Boyd Woodcock, Ruby Blair, Reni Hicks, Patrick Lipinski, Parris Laurie, Shae Sloane, Sydney Stack, Jordon Butts, Jamie Cripps, Max King

 

Winner of the inaugural Award for Merit

Zach Merrett

 

Snow White’s Seven Dwarves, 2019

Breann Moody, Lloyd Meek, Mark Keane, Adam Saad, Harrison Petty, Jackson Hately and Sam Docherty; and the best and fairest of them all, Brandon White

 

Contestants for the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette’

Jayde Van Dyk, Riley Bonner, Jackson Thurlow, Gryan Miers, Kaiden Brand, Braydon Preuss, Kai Pudney, Kobe Mutch, Noah Gown, Trent Mynott, Krystal Scott, Mia-Rae Clifford

 

Names suitable for a fashion label on the Brownlow red carpet (“I’m wearing …”)

De Koning, Fiorini, Gallucci, Silvagni, Switkowski, Nankivell, Bonnici, Brancatisano

 

The AFL’s own Űbermensch

Aaron Nietschke

 

Members of 1980s glam-rock bands, reunited and playing a winery near you

Billy Frampton, Darcy Fogarty, Rory Sloane, Maverick Weller, Dougal Howard, Logan Austin, Jackson Nelson, Stevie-Lee Thompson, Sam Virgo, Georgia Gee

 

Prompts for packing a picnic

Jarrod Berry, Jack Crisp, Zak Butters, Brayden Ham, Devon Smith, Bayley Fritsch (only in South Australia), Flynn Appleby, Bailey Rice, Darcy Tucker, Lachie Plowman

 

The annual Jarrad census

Jarrad (1, down 1), Jarryd (2, down 1), Jarrod (8, up 1), Jared (1, no change), Jarryn (1, no change), Darragh (1, no change)

 

Names over-represented according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics

Jack (30; playing for St Kilda: 7), Sam (30), Tom (37), Josh (18), Rory (5), Callum (7), Courtney (5), Tayla (3)

 

Commentator’s nightmare, aka Seeing double

Sam Reid (Sydney Swans, GWS), Josh Kennedy (Sydney Swans, West Coast Eagles), Bailey Williams (Western Bulldogs, West Coast Eagles), Callum Brown (GWS, Collingwood), Tom Lynch (Adelaide, Richmond), Jack and Jackson Trengove (Port Adelaide and Western Bulldogs)

 

Former Brexit cheerleaders who are now nowhere to be found

Derek Eggmolesse-Smith, Ned McHenry, Charlie Constable, Tori Groves-Little, Sarah D’Arcy, Darcy Parish, George Horlin-Smith, Darcy Byrne-Jones, Riley Collier-Dawkins, McKenzie Dowrick, Julia Crockett-Grills, Tanya Hetherington, Laitham Vandermeer

 

The Orazio Fantasia Perpetual Trophy for Best New Name

Irving Mosquito (runner-up: Mikala Cann)

Hugh Robertson

Hugh Robertson manages a record label, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.

From the front page

Image of the Kiama Blowhole, New South Wales

The edge of their seats

Lessons from Gilmore, Australia’s most marginal electorate

Image of Anthony Albanese

How to be a prime minister

The task ahead for Anthony Albanese in restoring the idea that governments should seek to make the country better

Image of Peter Dutton and Sussan Ley

The future of the Liberal Party

Peter Dutton doesn’t just have a talent problem on his hands

Image of Australian Army Cadets on parade. Image via Alamy

Ghosts in the war machine

Does the military attract violent misanthropists, or are they forged in murky theatres of war?

In This Issue

Image of Abbot Point

How Australia’s coal madness led to Adani

The real reasons keeping the Carmichael mine alive

Image of Valeria Luiselli

Missing witnesses: Valeria Luiselli’s ‘Lost Children Archive’

The Mexican ‘documentary fiction’ writer delivers a polyphonic road trip

Image of Adani’s thermal power plant at Mundra, India

Report from India: Tracing Gautam Adani’s ruthless ambition

The parallel rise of the coal baron and Prime Minister Narendra Modi

Image of David Malouf

David Malouf’s new worlds

Consciousness is at the heart of the celebrated author’s body of work


More in The Nation Reviewed

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

What the oil and gas industry tells itself

A week after the devastating floods, the fossil-fuel industry described the scarcity of new projects today as “frightening”

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Alien nation

Recent High Court decisions are testing who can be considered citizens, and who the federal government can exclude from Australia

Illustration by Jeff Fisher

Red rover

The Australian astrobiologist leading NASA’s search for life on Mars

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Where did all the bogongs go?

The drastic decline of the bogong moth could have disastrous ecological consequences


Online exclusives

Image of Australian Army Cadets on parade. Image via Alamy

Ghosts in the war machine

Does the military attract violent misanthropists, or are they forged in murky theatres of war?

Composite image showing John Hughes (image via Giramondo Publishing) and the cover of his novel The Dogs (Upswell Publishing)

A dog’s breakfast

Notes on John Hughes’s plagiarism scandal

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App trap: ‘Chloe’

‘Sex Education’ writer Alice Seabright’s new psychological thriller probing social media leads this month’s streaming highlights

Pablo Picasso, Figures by the sea (Figures au bord de la mer), January 12, 1931, oil on canvas, 130.0 × 195.0 cm, Musée national Picasso-Paris. © Succession Picasso/Copyright Agency, 2022. Photo: © RMN - Grand Palais - Mathieu Rabeau

‘The Picasso Century’ at the NGV

The NGV’s exhibition offers a fascinating history of the avant-garde across the Spanish artist’s lifetime