April 2019

The Nation Reviewed

An AFL 2019 census

By Hugh Robertson
A droll-call of the season’s best and brightest

Names worthy of a four-week suspension from the tribunal

Nikki Gore, Jack Payne, Shane Savage, Gabriella Pound, James Harmes, Darcy Fort, Josh Battle

 

Names suitable for 2019’s next trendy wine varietal (“Could we have a bottle of the ...”)

Rosenzweig, Himmelberg, Bastinac, Scharenberg, Schlensog, Coniglio, Petracca, Gourlay, Clavarino, Varnhagen, Brazzale, Abbatangelo

 

Minor characters from the Robert Mueller investigation

Boyd Woodcock, Ruby Blair, Reni Hicks, Patrick Lipinski, Parris Laurie, Shae Sloane, Sydney Stack, Jordon Butts, Jamie Cripps, Max King

 

Winner of the inaugural Award for Merit

Zach Merrett

 

Snow White’s Seven Dwarves, 2019

Breann Moody, Lloyd Meek, Mark Keane, Adam Saad, Harrison Petty, Jackson Hately and Sam Docherty; and the best and fairest of them all, Brandon White

 

Contestants for the next season of ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘The Bachelorette’

Jayde Van Dyk, Riley Bonner, Jackson Thurlow, Gryan Miers, Kaiden Brand, Braydon Preuss, Kai Pudney, Kobe Mutch, Noah Gown, Trent Mynott, Krystal Scott, Mia-Rae Clifford

 

Names suitable for a fashion label on the Brownlow red carpet (“I’m wearing …”)

De Koning, Fiorini, Gallucci, Silvagni, Switkowski, Nankivell, Bonnici, Brancatisano

 

The AFL’s own Űbermensch

Aaron Nietschke

 

Members of 1980s glam-rock bands, reunited and playing a winery near you

Billy Frampton, Darcy Fogarty, Rory Sloane, Maverick Weller, Dougal Howard, Logan Austin, Jackson Nelson, Stevie-Lee Thompson, Sam Virgo, Georgia Gee

 

Prompts for packing a picnic

Jarrod Berry, Jack Crisp, Zak Butters, Brayden Ham, Devon Smith, Bayley Fritsch (only in South Australia), Flynn Appleby, Bailey Rice, Darcy Tucker, Lachie Plowman

 

The annual Jarrad census

Jarrad (1, down 1), Jarryd (2, down 1), Jarrod (8, up 1), Jared (1, no change), Jarryn (1, no change), Darragh (1, no change)

 

Names over-represented according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics

Jack (30; playing for St Kilda: 7), Sam (30), Tom (37), Josh (18), Rory (5), Callum (7), Courtney (5), Tayla (3)

 

Commentator’s nightmare, aka Seeing double

Sam Reid (Sydney Swans, GWS), Josh Kennedy (Sydney Swans, West Coast Eagles), Bailey Williams (Western Bulldogs, West Coast Eagles), Callum Brown (GWS, Collingwood), Tom Lynch (Adelaide, Richmond), Jack and Jackson Trengove (Port Adelaide and Western Bulldogs)

 

Former Brexit cheerleaders who are now nowhere to be found

Derek Eggmolesse-Smith, Ned McHenry, Charlie Constable, Tori Groves-Little, Sarah D’Arcy, Darcy Parish, George Horlin-Smith, Darcy Byrne-Jones, Riley Collier-Dawkins, McKenzie Dowrick, Julia Crockett-Grills, Tanya Hetherington, Laitham Vandermeer

 

The Orazio Fantasia Perpetual Trophy for Best New Name

Irving Mosquito (runner-up: Mikala Cann)

Hugh Robertson

Hugh Robertson manages a record label, writes a lot and thinks about the Sydney Swans too much.

Cover April 2019

April 2019

From the front page

Climate sums fail

Our debate looks only at one side of the ledger

Image from ‘Eat the Problem’

Can ‘Eat the Problem’ solve the problem?

Mona’s new project explores our fraught ethics of consumption

Image of ‘Islands’ by Peggy Frew

‘Islands’ by Peggy Frew

The bestselling author delivers a nuanced examination of family tragedy

Image from ‘Janet Laurence: After Nature’

‘Janet Laurence: After Nature’ at the MCA

This survey offers a root and branch study of the natural world’s fragility


In This Issue

Illustration

The sentencing of George Pell

It took a judge to explain power to a cardinal

‘Who Killed My Father’ by Édouard Louis (trans. Lorin Stein)

Political rage fuels the French author’s account of a fraught father–son relationship

Illustration

The Murray–Darling’s dry mouth

Scientists are witnessing the ecological collapse of South Australia’s Coorong

Haruki to Highsmith: Lee Chang-dong’s ‘Burning’

Mr Ripley echoes through a masterful tale of class tensions in Seoul


More in The Nation Reviewed

Illustration

The Murray–Darling’s dry mouth

Scientists are witnessing the ecological collapse of South Australia’s Coorong

Illustration

The F45 gym revolution

The Australian fitness franchise is high-fiving its way around the world

Illustration

Tuckshop intervention

How did buying lunch in a Northern Territory school get so complicated?

Illustration

Screen addiction

As more of our lives are lived online, more people aren’t coping


Read on

Image from ‘Eat the Problem’

Can ‘Eat the Problem’ solve the problem?

Mona’s new project explores our fraught ethics of consumption

Image from ‘Janet Laurence: After Nature’

‘Janet Laurence: After Nature’ at the MCA

This survey offers a root and branch study of the natural world’s fragility

Image of Scott Morrison and Michaelia Cash

Scott Morrison’s short-sighted defence of cars with grunt

Our leader remains in Luddite denial about electric vehicles

Image from ‘The Man Who Killed Don Quixote’

Terry Gilliam’s ‘The Man Who Killed Don Quixote’

The contrary director’s 30-year quest comes to a suitably ludicrous end


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