The Nation Reviewed
Ayce names in the AFL
Illustration by Jeff Fisher.
AFL footballers’ names in 2013 suitable for jockeys and unsuccessful petty criminals
Jimmy Bartel, Billie Smedts (first prize), Jack Viney, Lenny Hayes, Eddie Betts, Sam Siggins
Names suitable for an aide-de-camp, equerry, viceroy or other diplomatic posting
Henry Slattery, Will Hoskin-Elliott, James Polkinghorne, George Horlin-Smith (first prize), Piers Flanagan, Pearce Hanley, Tyrone Vickery, Angus Monfries
Names suitable for bushrangers, barristers and flawed crime fiction heroes
Jack Watts, Jack Grimes, Jack Redden, Jack Crisp, Jack Frost, Jack Darling
First names arguing the case for an official sixth vowel
Ayce, Danyle, Arryn, Dayne, Jarryn, Blayne, Jayden, Ayden, Cadeyn, Kyal, Claye, Tayte, Kamdyn (first prize)
A first name used by ten AFL players in five different ways
Jared, Jarryd, Jarrad, Jarred, Jarrod
First names suitable for brands of power tools
Brock, Koby (first prize), Devon, Cruize, Maverick, Jaxon, Tanner, Jaeger, Brant
Prenom du jour: Mason
Mason Shaw, Mason Wood
Ten first names not included on any AFL list
Keith, Barry, Neil, Noel, Bruce, Gordon, Maurie, Merv, Ron, Rex
Names in which gender identification seems not to be a priority
Clancee Pearce, Courtenay Dempsey, Marley Williams (first prize), Llane Spaanderman, Ariel Steinberg, Taylor Garner
Names involving a cultural dissonance between first name and surname
Warwick Andreoli, Brendon Ah Chee (first prize), Cory Dell’Olio, Nathan van Berlo
Surnames containing a subtle erotic nuance
Longer, Helbig, Toy, Swallow, Lower (first prize)
Surnames containing a less subtle erotic nuance
Johncock, Cunnington, Ball
Names with thrilling tonal, alliterative or rhythmic qualities
Patrick Dangerfield, Marco Paparone, Thomas Bellchambers, Richard Tambling, Hayden Ballantyne, Peter Bormolini, James Podsiadly, Paul Puopolo
Names suitable for an outer-suburban wedding venue
Beau Waters, Oliver Wines
Names that can leave one curiously unsettled
Garrick Ibbotson, Travis Boak, Dayne Zorko, Kirk Ugle (first prize), Steele Sidebottom, Tomas Bugg, Jed Adcock, Alipate Carlile, Kristian Jaksch
Peter Cronin is a Monthly contributor.
Ayce, Danyle, Arryn, Dayne, Jarryn, Blayne, Jayden, Ayden, Cadeyn, Kyal, Claye, Tayte, Kamdyn (first prize)...
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