August 2013

Encounters

Shane Maloney and Chris Grosz

Peter Cook & John Clarke

When Peter Cook was lured to Melbourne in 1987 to launch the town’s new comedy festival, he set only one condition. At some point in the week’s program, adequate time should be set aside for him to repeatedly hit a small white ball, or series of balls, into the landscape.

In the early ’70s, Cook and Dudley Moore had toured Australia for nearly five months, giving Behind the Fridge a test run before taking it back to sell-out seasons in London and New York. Welcomed as comedy gods, the duo were lionised from one end of the country to the other, cementing their triumph by being officially banned from radio and television on the advice of a panel of “expert clergymen”. 

Pete and Dud eventually went their separate ways, but Cook’s status as the funniest man in the world remained undiminished. Fabulously dishevelled, he disembarked from his London flight with a bag of clubs over his shoulder. He drew the media like flies, the festival got its airfare’s worth and, in due course, Cook got his game of golf. 

His partner for the occasion was John Clarke. The two had met in London during the shooting of The Adventures of Barry McKenzie, in which Clarke played “an Australian of the period, third from the left”. Subsequently laughed out of his native New Zealand, Clarke was eking out a living as a freelance farnarkeling commentator and part-time sand-trap inspector.

“My driving hasn’t been very good lately,” Cook warned him. “But my short game is among the shortest on Earth.” 

Royal Melbourne had offered itself, but Cook preferred somewhere more relaxed. Clarke took him to Yarra Bend, a public course favoured by off-duty taxi drivers and shiftworking bakers. Positively glowing with ill health, Cook wheezed his way though 18 holes, club in one hand, cigarette in the other. He played off a handicap of 16 but nobody was keeping score. Winning wasn’t the point. Golf has no point. That is the point. At times, the sporting absurdists weren’t even on the same fairway. John Clarke thought he’d died and gone to heaven. 

As they neared the clubhouse, Cook spotted a player in a singlet. He summoned the pro and demanded he remove the sign requiring that players wear a shirt. “I wouldn’t have bothered myself if I’d known.”

The two remained in phone contact, but never again fronted the links together. Cook was killed by an ungrateful liver in 1995, aged 57. Due to his punishing schedule of television appearances, John Clarke’s chances of winning the Australian Open appear to be receding.

Shane Maloney and Chris Grosz

Shane Maloney is a writer and the author of the award-winning Murray Whelan series of crime novels. His 'Encounters', illustrated by Chris Grosz, have been published in a collection, Australian Encounters.

Chris Grosz is a book illustrator, painter and political cartoonist. He has illustrated newspapers and magazines such as the Age, the Bulletin and Time.

August 2013

From the front page

Image of prime minister Gough Whitlam addressing reporters outside Parliament after his dismissal by governor-general John Kerr on November 11, 1975.

Palace fetters

An elected Australian government could still be dismissed by the Queen

David Gulpilil at the opening night of the Sydney Film Festival on June 8, 2016.

The many faces of David Gulpilil

Gulpilil’s surrealist performances reveal our collective unconscious

Still from ‘Contempt’

The death of cool: Michel Piccoli, 1925–2020

Re-watching the films of the most successful screen actor of the 20th century

Image of Treasurer Josh Frydenberg

Cluster struck

A second wave of COVID-19 cases is dragging the country down


In This Issue

In praise of Tony Windsor

Fan mail for the former MP

‘The Roots of Terrorism in Indonesia’ by Solahudin

Trans. Dave McRae; NewSouth Books; $49.99

Changing prime ministers

What Kevin Rudd could learn from Julia Gillard about leadership

Rudd’s comeback and Murdoch’s counterattack

The reaction to Rudd 2.0


More in Arts & Letters

Still from ‘Contempt’

The death of cool: Michel Piccoli, 1925–2020

Re-watching the films of the most successful screen actor of the 20th century

Image of Ziggy Ramo

The heat of a moment: Ziggy Ramo’s ‘Black Thoughts’

A debut hip-hop album that calls for a reckoning with Indigenous sovereignty and invites the listener to respond

Photograph of Malcolm Turnbull

Surrounded by pygmies: Malcolm Turnbull’s ‘A Bigger Picture’

The former PM’s memoir fails to reckon with his fatal belief that all Australians shared his vision

Still from ‘The Assistant’

Her too: ‘The Assistant’

Melbourne-born, New York–based filmmaker Kitty Green’s powerfully underplayed portrait of Hollywood’s abusive culture


More in Encounters

Words: Shane Maloney | Illustration: Chris Grosz

Rupert Murdoch & Kamahl

Mark Oliphant & J Robert Oppenheimer

John Monash & King George V

John Howard & Uri Geller


Read on

David Gulpilil at the opening night of the Sydney Film Festival on June 8, 2016.

The many faces of David Gulpilil

Gulpilil’s surrealist performances reveal our collective unconscious

Motorists waiting near a police checkpoint in Albury, ahead of the NSW-Victoria border closure on July 8, 2020.

On edge

Closing the borders is an exercise in futility

Image of Olivia Laing’s book ‘Funny Weather’

Small, imperilled utopias: ‘Funny Weather’

Olivia Laing’s book takes hope as an organising principle, asking what art can do in a crisis

Image of Labor’s Kristy McBain and Anthony Albanese

A win’s a win

The Eden-Monaro result shows that Morrison’s popularity has not substantially changed voting patterns – and Labor has still not cut through


×
×