Future Coalition royal commissions

The Coalition is pressing ahead with its plan for a royal commission into Labor's home insulation program.

The Sydney Morning Herald, November 14, 2013


Attorney-General George Brandis says a royal commission into trade unions will tackle the "systemic", "ingrained" corruption in the labour movement.

—The Sydney Morning Herald, February 9, 2014



The prime minister will today announce a royal commission into editorial bias and the misuse of public funds at the national broadcaster. The commission, to be chaired by respected media analyst Gerard Henderson (Media Watch Dog), will investigate the claims of treason levelled by the recently completed efficiency review.

September 4, 2014


Following the collapse of Australia’s last major manufacturer, the Coalition has called a royal commission into Labor’s mishandling of the economy. “Labor owes Australians an explanation for this mess, and we as a nation need to get the bottom of the appalling waste and mismanagement,” Prime Minister Tony Abbott told the National Press Club.

—October 2, 2014


Environment minister Greg Hunt has outlined plans for a royal commission into the Climate Commission. The Gillard government initiative was axed by the Abbott government last year, but has allegedly continued to employ research appropriated from scientists and government-funded institutions. “The Climate Commission is a front for several ‘environmental’ groups. It is using spurious interpretations of science to incite global terror,” said Mr Hunt, “and a thorough royal commission is the only way to reveal the murky sources of its funding.”

January 23, 2015


A new Coalition royal commission will investigate falling national standards of health and fitness and the effect it is having on Australia’s competitiveness and prosperity. Australian public servants and current and former union officials have failed to maintain even basic standards of fitness required for public office, according to Coalition sports minister Peter Dutton. “Could Opposition Leader Bill Shorten even finish a triathlon? Because Prime Minister Tony Abbott definitely could.”

—March 13, 2015


The “un-Australian” use of Americanised spellings in Australian public language will be the subject of a royal commission. Leaders of the Australian Labor Party will be amongst the first organisations to be interrogated, over their preference for the Americanised spelling of “labour”. Education Minister Christopher Pyne said a royal commission was essential to shed light on “an issue that the police, despite their best efforts, have been unable to prosecute.”

June 25, 2015


Coinciding with the three-year anniversary of Labor’s announcement of a royal commission into child sex abuse, the Coalition has revealed plans for a royal commission into Labor’s royal commission into child sex abuse. “Many people in the Australian community believe the royal commission could have been more efficient and cost-effective if spearheaded by a Coalition government,” said Attorney-General George Brandis. “It’s an important issue that our royal commission will seek to resolve.”

November 12, 2015

Evan Williams

Evan Williams is a New York-based comedy writer. He has contributed humour to The New Yorker’s Daily Shouts, McSweeney’s and SBS Viceland’s The Feed


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