The 25 most Onion-like Australian politics headlines of the year

As a writer for a daily satirical news show (ABC2’s The Roast), I’ve spent a lot of 2013 writing jokes about Australian politics. Often there were depressing moments when I realised I couldn’t write anything funnier than the actual story. Instead, I could only sit back in awe of the Onion-ness of the headline. (For those unfamiliar, The Onion is an American satirical newspaper and website renown for its sardonic headlines.)

Appreciating the Onion-ness of real news headlines isn’t new (in fact, there’s a tumblr dedicated to the activity). But, as the year draws to a close, there might be no better way to reflect on the absurdity of Australian politics than revisiting the most Onion-like Australian politics headlines of 2013.

Here’s my top 25:


Tony Abbott says Malcolm Turnbull ‘invented the internet’


White-bread salami sandwich thrown at Prime Minister Julia Gillard


Prime Minister Julia Gillard hit by another sandwich during Lyneham High School visit


Tony Abbott kisses nun in Sydney


KRudd dog reaches out to young voters on social media site Reddit


PM posts shaving ‘selfie’


Front-page Nazi slur against PM Kevin Rudd puts Rupert Murdoch centre stage in Australian election


Federal election 2013: Tony Abbott talks up the ‘sex appeal’ of Lindsay candidate


Tony Abbott says he is ‘the guy with the not bad-looking daughters’


Portfolio details spell out Tony Abbott’s role as women’s minister


Motoring Enthusiast Party nabs Senate seat


Likely Australian senator brushes off kangaroo poo fight video


Tony Abbott abandons possum-infested Lodge in Canberra to live with AFP recruits until renovations are complete


Barnaby Joyce says $4600 trip to watch State of Origin and NRL finals was legitimate business


Joe Hockey says Tony Abbott too ‘flat out’ to talk to the media


Greg Hunt uses Wikipedia research to dismiss climate change-bushfires link


Howard launches ‘anti-warmist manual’ for kids


Scott Morrison defends limiting asylum seeker’s time with newborn baby


Labor frontbencher Gary Gray eats his own hair in Parliament


I’m too rich to be corrupted, Clive Palmer declares


Clive Palmer tells journos ‘it’s time to lift your game’


Clive Palmer ‘twerks’ on the Kyle and Jackie O show


Clive Palmer’s party wins third Senate seat


Senator Glenn Lazarus will be good for Federal Parliament, says his mum


Clive Palmer has a cold and may miss first day of parliament


Evan Williams

Evan Williams is a New York-based comedy writer. He has contributed humour to The New Yorker’s Daily Shouts, McSweeney’s and SBS Viceland’s The Feed


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